


Three Months

by littlemissdarci



Category: Naruto
Genre: Break Up, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Slow Burn, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-29 23:17:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14483391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemissdarci/pseuds/littlemissdarci
Summary: Kakashi left Tenzou without a reason.Five years later he's back, asking Tenzou to train Naruto.Bits and pieces of Kakashi and Tenzou's relationship.





	Three Months

**Author's Note:**

> ***Everything in parentheses ( ) is meant to be a past event/flashback***

 

 

_On the first day of summer Kakashi shuffles through the halls of ANBU. The sounds of ninja buzzing around him are muted with each step he takes to a door at end of the hall. This, he’ll realize, is a feeling he hasn’t felt in years._

_The sunlight filtering through the windows are neither warm nor comforting. Here, standing in front of Tenzou, Kakashi feels he is wavering in comparison._

 

 

 

“-three months, that’s it.”

 

“Why me?” Tenzou immediately asks, pointedly focusing on the long strokes he’s making to sharpen his sword. The metal rings against the wet stone with each long, deliberate pass, filling the empty room with its sound. Kakashi watches Tenzou’s reflection in the metal, his kohai’s brow furrowed, but not from the task at hand.

 

They haven’t spoken in over five years and right now Kakashi has the nerve to speak in that light, bouncy tone of voice he uses when he wants to take away the intensity of serious conversations.

 

“There’s many qualified jounin that would be better than me. This village is full of them.” He says between strokes.

 

If he listens closely, Kakashi isn’t breathing.

 

“There’s no one better,” Kakashi says, grip tightening on the doorframe as his tone drops into something that teeters the edge of hysterical. Kakashi’s façade of remaining composed is fading quickly as the intensity in Tenzou’s terse demeanor immediately wrecks him to the core. His words are starting to sound frantic and rushed when he says, “You have the moukton, you are the perfect fit for-“

 

“-I know.” Tenzou cuts in coldly, screeching Kakashi’s frantic heartbeat to a violent halt, and Kakashi has to take a full minute to collect himself.   

 

“…You know?” he repeats slowly, unable to hide the surprise in his voice. He stops himself before he can take a step across the speckled tile of the locker room floor. He’s afraid to cross this threshold, figuratively and literally. Kakashi can’t leave his spot from the door. This wasn’t a familiar place to him anymore; he is no longer welcome.

 

Tenzou’s back is still turned to him as he continues to carefully sharpen the blade. He sees Tenzou’s strong back muscles flex and roll with each pass of the blade, perfectly angled with a practiced mastery only a shinobi of his level could have. The towel he uses to wipe the blade on occasion rests lain across a firm, muscular thigh.

 

Tenzou still hasn’t turned to acknowledge Kakashi once.

 

“Lady Tsunade already gave me the details,” Tenzou says, stopping to wipe his blade. There’s a moment of pause, where Tenzou moves to hold his weapon to the light before approving of his work and sheaths his newly sharpened sword into the holster. It “shinnnnngs” in the way all swords should sound, and he allows himself a small smirk of satisfaction with his work. Tenzou was always prideful of the things he accomplished. He never received acknowledgement for all his hard work and accomplishments in the way Kakashi did, but it never once seemed to bother him. He took orders without question and placed all his trust into those above him. That level of blind trust, something Kakashi only learned a little too late, was something he took for granted in Tenzou.

 

Kakashi knows he’s no longer in a place to presume such things; he’s spoken too soon.

Standing in the doorway of this locker room in front of Tenzou, feeling nauseous déjà vu flooding his stomach, Kakashi is taking Tenzou for granted yet again.

 

“So you’ll do it?” Kakashi blurts out instinctually. The minute the words leave his tongue he wants to reach out and grab them, stuff them back into his mouth as if he never had spoken at all.

 

It’s only then does Tenzou finally turn around to face him, his face set into a hard expression to stare at Kakashi fully. “I already told Tsunade-sama no,” he says as he swings his leg over the bench to stand and grabs his belongings from the locker. “You’ll have to find someone else.”

 

“Ten-“ Kakashi tries, “I-“

 

“Goodbye, Senpai.” Tenzou bites curtly, and he slams the door to the locker.

 

The sound of the metal locker slamming shut echoes loudly through the room and continues to thrum for several moments as Tenzou clenches his jaw shut and shifts the weight on his feet to move.

 

And that’s when Kakashi says, “Please.”

 

Overstepping his ego like this sounds so dire. But he’s desperate, more for himself than for Naruto’s sake.

 

And there’s Tenzou head turned, stunned at the desperation bleeding into that one word.

 

His eyes are blown wide in shock and Kakashi’s heart wilts at the sight. Kakashi and Tenzou have known each other from various stages of their lives; as kids, teenagers, and as men. There was a time when Tenzou cherished Kakashi as his senpai, as his friend, and as his lover. These are memories that Kakashi knows well and holds onto.

 

He’s reaching, grabbing blindly for anything familiar, for that string of fate that once connected them, because he can’t take this tension between them and he doesn’t think he can bear the weight he suddenly feels on his chest when Tenzou looks at him like that. He wants something, anything to signal that things are still the same.

 

He wants to believe that what he did all those years ago was for the best.

 

But the person that stands before him is a different version of Tenzou, one he hasn’t met yet, a person he doesn’t know anymore. This Tenzou is the accumulation of those missing years that currently separate them.

 

Age has matured his face handsomely. He’s developed from a young adult into a full-fledged man. There’s an angled squareness to his jaw that’s sharp enough to cut. His former lankier body has impressively filled out with taut muscle to match the strength in his baritone voice. He’s almost as tall as Kakashi, top of his head no longer skimming his chin. His body is much stronger, he’s built like a tree. Like that tree in the center of Konoha, Tenzou is firm, solid, and unwavering much like his resolve.

Despite all the physical changes, Tenzou’s eyes are still round and the golden flecks in his irises shimmer like diamonds under the light.

 

Kakashi is so caught up in the moment, the way he gets lost in his former lover’s eyes, that he almost misses the moment Tenzou speaks.

 

 

“What’s in it for me?”

 

 

They call people who live freely wanderers, as if they are people lost in search of finding something. But the reality is that the rest of us just don’t live enough. You take three months out of context and you’ll realize how much time is taken for granted - learn a new jutsu, become acquainted with your new team, or committing your time to helping a teenager and his sensei, your ex-lover, to something that is supposed to benefit the greater good of the village.

 

Tenzou was captured as an infant with the sole purpose and intent to become the ultimate mokuton fighting weapon for one of the most evil, vile humans on earth. Despite growing up in that darkness, surrounded by death, negativity, and loneliness with no one who believed in you, he somehow blossomed into one of the most understanding, selfless human beings in existence. He never questioned his superiors, treated everyone with a respect they didn’t deserve and gave more of himself to others than he would ever get back. The world stole from Tenzou, used him, and he never once questioned the injustice of it all.

 

Tenzou has never asked for anything in return; he always gave more than he received.

 

But right now, in this familiar locker room, Tenzou finally asks. His voice is rough with a vibrato that sinks in the back of his throat like a groan because the words are so difficult for him to say.

 

And Kakashi stands there, mind blank. He can’t seem to think of anything to say in response.

 

When you’ve got someone like Tenzou, what can you possibly give him in return?

 

Tenzou scoffs and shakes his head at Kakashi’s long silence with a grimace.

 

The surprise that ignited his features moments ago fade like the final embers of a dying fire. It was pointless of him to ask-- Tenzou already knows the answer to his question. 

 

“I thought so.”

 

And like that, before Kakashi can react, Tenzou is gone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**********

 

 

(“Do you miss him?” Genma asks.

 

“Who?” Kakashi lies, eyes trained on the stone etched with his friend’s names.

 

Genma ignores Kakashi’s bad attempt at lying with a heated look.

 

“He’s quite the captain now, “ Genma says with a smirk, “They all bow when he walks by, even more than they bowed for you.” There’s a special look in his eye. A fondness in the way his eyes crinkle at the corners. It’s a small smile, one he’s always had just for Tenzou, his favorite. “He’s the top performing ANBU shinobi.” Genma says with all the pride in the world.

 

Kakashi lifts his eyes with a sigh and looks down at the ground instead, because he realizes Genma won’t drop this. “I’m sure he worked very hard for it.”

 

Genma’s head snaps up as he plucks the senbon out of his mouth. “You know how many people work their asses off to reach that?” Genma retorts, a dramatic shift in his expression as he raises his voice and points the senbon to Kakashi in an irritated, threatening gesture, “How many people have _died_? And that’s all you have to say?”

 

Kakashi shrugs and pretends like this doesn’t bother him in the way he says with a quipped voice, “He deserves it.”

 

Kakashi acts like leaving Tenzou is not the biggest regret of his life. He pretends that it doesn’t bother him or that he doesn’t think of his kouhai every time he runs through a forest of trees or sees a flash of brown hair in a crowd. He’s convinced himself that life is better this way because he refuses to admit that he is a huge coward.

 

He and Genma both know that in this world, in _that_ line of work, just staying alive was hard enough. Kakashi and Genma know life before and after ANBU, Tenzou knows nothing otherwise. Tenzou never had a childhood. By the age of six Tenzou was a veteran of killing and performed kills with an accuracy a child that age shouldn’t have.

 

Kakashi might be known across the land as the man who has copied over a thousand jutsu, but Tenzou was a silent assassin with probably two times the successful missions and kills as even the top Jounin in the village.

 

Kakashi is feared and admired by those across the land by the mere mention of his name, while Tenzou left no survivors to even tell a tale. If he died, his name wouldn’t be etched on a beautiful marble stone where people can come to pray and thank him for his sacrifices. All of his actions go unnoticed by the naked eye.

 

Kakashi notices how Genma watches him with an arched brow, senbon placed back in his mouth, stilled. His arms are crossed and he’s standing alert, angry, and he feels the intensity of Genma’s gaze.

 

“What?” Kakashi snaps harshly.

 

It’s nothing like the usual aloof, composed Kakashi everyone knows, but Genma has known him for such a long time that he doesn’t even flinch at the uncharacteristic outburst.

 

“You’re so full of shit,” he spits back as he turns away from him and back to the memorial.

And Kakashi says with a huff, “Probably.”

 

Right now, Kakashi doesn’t understand why he’s getting so worked up about it. The air between them is now stiff and awkward. Genma stands with his hands shoved in his pockets as he twirls the senbon in his mouth. Kakashi suddenly feels very out of place in front of one of his oldest friends.

 

Kakashi knows Genma is trying to motivate, not berate him, but the whole thing still rubs him wrong.

 

With a sigh, Genma tries to diffuse the situation and speaks first. “Kakashi, just talk to him. Tell him-“

 

“-It’s none of your business.” Kakashi cuts him off, signaling the end of this conversation with his terse tone.

 

“You know…you’re such an asshole.” Genma spits before leaving.)

 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Tenzou is called into the Hokage’s office and is given a permanent set of civilian clothes. This one is his to keep, Tsunade told him with a genuine smile on her face and he cherishes this moment with an unknown emotion blossoming in his chest.

 

Call him spiritual, a wannabe philosopher that writes on this feeling, but he thinks everyone gets those fleeting moments that feel right in a way beyond present knowledge. This is one of those moments for him and he doesn’t know why, he just knows it feels right.

 

And now-

 

“I can’t do it,” Tenzou huffs, trying to form another wood dragon, ”I’m not the Shodaime Hokage-“

 

“But you’re doing something,” Kakashi throws back. “It’s not a full dragon but it’s still subduing the nine-tails chakra.”

 

Tenzou rolls his eyes and scoffs in response.

 

Tenzou’s head won’t stop swirling. His eyes are dry from concentrating for too long, unblinking. He feels weighed down by fear of Naruto’s Chakra escaping and he, unable to manage it. It’s the kind of heavy burden that makes him simmer with an irritation that he is admittedly, taking out on Kakashi.

 

But he can’t be bothered to feel bad. Not when Kakashi is casually standing there, trying to coach him like he understands how difficult it is for him. Tenzou cannot be bothered to be the bigger person right now and he’s using Kakashi as an emotional punching bag in some reciprocal way they both acknowledge. It’s all really shitty ways of venting.

 

Tenzou straightens back up and eases the strain in his tailbone, “I’ll figure it out.” he grumbles.

 

At the end of these exhausting days, the “Thank you for doing this, Yamato-taichou!” that he receives in return from the hundreds of Naruto shadow clones almost makes up for the chakra exhaustion.

 

Kakashi now stands behind him, and while he should be watching his student, he can’t help but look at Tenzou through the top of his icha icha book. The tension is still heavily apparent between the two jounin despite the month they’ve been working together. There’s a thickness that fills up the spaces between them that the outside distractions can’t occupy.

 

“Senpai-“ Tenzou starts, “Do you think he’ll be able to do it?” he asks quietly, pausing at the end to hide a strain. Kakashi sees the muscles in Tenzou’s arm tense involuntarily, a sign of fatigue.

 

“You don’t think he can?” Kakashi asks while dropping his book into his pouch as he walks behind Tenzou.

 

“No. It’s not that… but this is a lot of pressure for a sixteen-year-old don’t you think?”

 

Kakashi reaches down to press a thumb into the thick muscle of Tenzou’s back, between his shoulder blades. Tenzou’s brows raise in question but he groans as Kakashi rubs small circles into the tight knots from sitting in the same position for so long.

 

One step at a time, Tenzou learned how pain makes us more human than the people we were before.

 

“Stop,” Tenzou suddenly quips between grit teeth, and not because Kakashi was rubbing a particularly vicious knot.

 

Kakashi broke his heart and left as if Tenzou wasn’t worth an explanation. That much was clear. He doesn’t know why, but Kakashi is trying to do something to upset this established dynamic, to fix the lack of trust between them, as if this simple act of kindness could undo the pain of the past five years.

 

Tenzou has learned to adapt, he has learned to live again after Kakashi, so his body is rejecting Kakashi’s touch in every way possible. His Senpai seems to be rubbing his back more soothingly as Tenzou tenses under his touch, but the contact just burns.

 

“Get off,” Tenzou snaps, twice as harsh as before and more venomous as he wills himself to keep his eyes straight ahead as he shifts his position.

 

Kakashi is off him in an instant and Tenzou can tell the older has something to say, but before his senpai can speak Naruto is screaming with happiness and Kakashi is off jumping to the waterfall, holding his exhausted student by the arm before he can fall over. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--

 

“You should be thankful.” Tenzou grunts that night before leaving to his apartment, rubbing his shoulder.

 

Kakashi stands there, silent, long after Tenzou has left.

 

“I am.” He says into the night, head hung low as he finally moves to walk.

 

He is.

 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

What Kakashi looks for in a partner, isn’t picky, just  _particular_. He’s not asking for much, just for someone to be that constant when he’s fucked up and doesn’t know where to go. Tenzou has those arms that he can fall back into when he’s stumbled forward, far too dizzy to stand on his own anymore.

 

Tenzou was his guide, his foundation and his support when he’s lost it. He doesn’t know what to do with the irony of it all. He sought for someone strong to support him when he failed to see that Tenzou needed to be supported too.

 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Tenzou focuses on the lessons that come from each battle and the scars that are already healing. Because when you’ve got lives on the line, it’s never about you any more, is it?

 

Just like any other night after practice, Tenzou quietly brushes his hands on his pants and straightens his legs with a pop. Kakashi, at the other end of the field, talks to Naruto before walking over to Tenzou.

 

“I’ll be seeing you guys next week,” Tenzou says, almost sounding like a question because statements sometimes fall flat with Kakashi, who doesn’t elaborate usually.

 

He holds his backpack loosely, bumping against his thigh urging him to leave.

 

“Yamato-taichou, where are you going?” Naruto asks, cocking his head to the side in genuine curiosity. Naruto is nothing like him at sixteen. At sixteen Tenzou was already a very established jounin level ninja, working under Kakashi in ANBU, having killed more men than he could remember since his days as a kid in root.

 

But at the core of it, he understands exactly what it’s like to grow up an orphan without parents, getting treated like some weapon of mass destruction by the council elders, having people hate you for possessing something you never asked for. You were expected to be something, to grow up too fast, when all you ever wanted was positive acknowledgment from others and the reassurance that being yourself was enough. He knows how it feels to be an outsider and hated by people for something beyond your control.

 

Maybe that’s why he finds himself going the extra mile for Naruto, always encouraging him and reassuring him that he would be there to stop the nine-tails, even if he wasn’t so sure he could do it himself. He treats Naruto a little extra special, buying him ramen, teaching him a few tag team moves, because he knows at sixteen years old that’s what he wanted from someone.

 

Perhaps this is what Kakashi meant when he said he was perfect for this.

 

“I’ve got a solo mission,” he tells Naruto, his eyes purposely avoiding Kakashi’s questioning gaze. “I’ll be gone for a few days.”

 

Naruto nods and asks tentatively, his voice strained, “Is it for ANBU?” When he asks his eyes are wide, full of questions and a touch of concern for his new Captain and mentor.

 

“Yes,” he says, wary of the explicit details because Naruto didn’t need to have that kind of exposure to the dark side of shinobi life. When Naruto’s expression turns worried he says with a closed lipped smile, “It’s nothing I haven’t done before.”

 

Naruto nods again in thought, before breaking out into a small smile, “You must be a really amazing ninja, huh Yamato-taichou?”

 

Yamato raises his eyebrows in shock, “Oh no, I’m really not anything special-“

 

“No, Yamato-Taichou.” Naruto says with a fondness in his voice as he shakes his head from side to side. “No, you’re just humble,” Naruto says with a growing smile. He pauses to look at his captain with bright shining eyes full of adoration and respect. Yamato knows this look, because it’s the one he used to give to his captain, Kakashi, at sixteen. “Asuma-sensei and Guy-sensei told me you’re one of the best ninjas in ANBU.”

 

Yamato flushes at the praise and doesn’t quite know how to respond to that information, so he stammers, but Naruto seems to catch on and doesn’t give him a chance to protest. “Good luck on your mission Yamato-taichou. See you soon!” he says with a big wave before skipping away.

 

Naruto blends into the distance and Tenzou watches him skip away with an endearing smile.

 

“Solo mission?” Kakashi says after a few moments of pause.

 

Tenzou’s smile drops instantly, his body going cold at the voice. “Mhmm,” Tenzou replies, the usual tension in the air filtering between them again.

 

Kakashi coughs once and looks to the side, “You…do those often?”

 

“All the time.” Tenzou says casually, swinging his backpack on over his shoulder and making to walk away.

 

“Tenzou-“

 

“It’s Yamato, remember?” He snaps over his shoulder as he starts to walk away quickly.

 

Listening to the approaching footsteps on the grass, Kakashi comes up from behind him and hugs him. There’s a warmth rippling off his skin feeling nice against his back with a warmth he wants to snuggle right into, the kind he’d favor any day over his blanket at home.

 

The shadow of Kakashi’s hair blocks out the moonlight, and Kakashi runs his eyes where they peer over Tenzou’s shoulder to the green and blue veins along Tenzou’s thick forearm, back down to the lines of his palm. Soothing constants that remind him that Tenzou is here and he’s alive.

 

His mind continues like that, graciously absorbing Tenzou and all his qualities, how he smells a little like sweat and soap. There’s something refreshingly clean Kakashi always liked about how Tenzou smelled. Kakashi usually hates that, the smell of sweat once it’s fully absorbed into the skin and taken on a muskier scent, more worn and  _skin-like_ , but on Tenzou, it’s not so bad.

 

“Tenzou,” he says again, burying his nose into Tenzou’s hair and letting himself close his eyes as he rocks them from side to side.

 

“Let go, senpai.” Tenzou says, but there’s no bite to the words and Tenzou leans back a little into Kakashi’s embrace.

 

If Kakashi listens closely, he can hear the frantic staccato of Tenzou’s heartbeat.

 

The way Kakashi barricades Tenzou makes him feel like he’s sixteen again. Back when Kakashi first began to hug him in quiet moments like this. The memory dots his body with goosebumps and he’s taken back to a time he doesn’t want to remember anymore.

 

Tenzou blinks out of this nasty daze and swallows moisture back into his parched throat, wills his thoughts back to neutral and he shuffles in Kakashi’s grip, bringing his hands up to pry Kakashi’s arms off him. “Let go.”

 

“Okay,” Kakashi says, and hesitates a bit before pulling away completely.

 

Tenzou thinks he feels the ghost of Kakashi’s nose barely brushing the crown of his hair, but he shakes it off with a jumbled stomach and retracts from his ex-lover roughly. There’s no wishful thinking, just a tiny thing from that point of contact he notices that makes his chest flutter. With that, he leaves Kakashi wordlessly.

 

Kakashi doesn’t believe in starting over, but he does believe in new chapters of the same story. Like a caterpillar going through metamorphosis, some things just take time to fly.

 

“Be careful.” Kakashi whispers as he watches Tenzou’s form disappear into the night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**********

 

 

 

 

(-If you’re going to punch me, then do it,” Kakashi says indifferently, shoulder blades digging into the wall where Tenzou is pressing him.

 

“Why are you leaving?” Tenzou shouts hoarsely. Kakashi can feel Tenzou’s fists tighten around the collar of his shirt, bunching the material, and he thinks the younger could lift him like this and really hurt him.

 

“Look, I’m not in the mood right now,” Kakashi retorts harshly, head tilting against the wall. “I’m tired, so if you could just get off.”

 

Tenzou feels heat flare up his throat and slams Kakashi back against the wall, raising his fist up high and threatening.

 

Despite being a ninja, Tenzou isn’t a physical fighter but still a  _fighter_ nonetheless in other senses of the word and he’s doing that now, fighting for Kakashi’s dwindling assurance like it’s all he’s ever known. Tenzou hesitates, his face a mixture of emotions, he’s radiating anger, confusion, frustration, but his eyes are pleading, begging Kakashi not to do this.

 

Eventually, Tenzou loosens his grip and drops his arms before taking a few steps back to run a shaky hand through his hair.

 

Kakashi removes himself from the wall and makes to leave, he doesn’t want to deal with this. He can’t. But then, he’s being punched so hard that his teeth clatter and he sees a flash of white. He stumbles, catching himself on the wall to right himself, gripping his cheek in pain. His ears are ringing and his vision swims.

 

Tenzou’s heavy breathing fills the room and for a long time they stay like that, Tenzou seething with pent up emotion, and Kakashi too stunned to move.

 

Slowly, surely and finally, with each exhale, Kakashi can see the anger in Tenzou dissolve. Tenzou’s shoulders fall and his chest stops heaving with each intake of air.

 

The golden hues in his big brown pupils that were burning with sparks of hot anger slowly flicker away into nothing, and they fill with the glossy moisture brought on only by pain. Because there is a limit to the amount of misery and suffering a person can tolerate, for love. You don’t know the limit beforehand until you’ve hit it.

 

And Tenzou has hit his limit.

 

“I know…I’m not perfect-” Tenzou says, his teeth bared into a painful wince. His lips are quivering as he struggles to force the next words out of his throat.

 

Finally, he pauses to glance back over his shoulder at Kakashi, what he knows will be for the last time.

 

 “-But at least I’m not a coward like you.” )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

Tenzou likes to get away after his missions and always finds himself in an old music room at the edge of town because the detachment oddly makes him feel whole. The piano here is missing a few keys and it’s dusty, but it’s in tune and the way it still holds up minus a few flaws is something he admires. Tenzou spends too much time harboring the idea that he is like this piano and often finds himself staring at the old thing until his head is pleasantly blank.

 

He started playing years ago and all he knows is that aside from being a ninja, music was something that was always there for him, the one constant in his life that wouldn’t leave him.

 

It’s lonely in here, and the only person who knew he came here was the music teacher who owned the school. He used to stop by to hear Tenzou play, where he would smoke his pipe and close his eyes with a smile. Sometimes he would come with sheet music, teaching him a new piece and giving him pointers. He told Tenzou if he wasn’t a ninja he should have been a pianist because of his natural talent for it.

 

Drifting across a song like he does to temporarily escape from the world, he plays through a slow melody when the window slowly opens with a gush of cool air against his back that makes the hairs on arms stand up.

 

He doesn’t need to turn around to know who it is.

 

“Can I help you?”

 

“Don’t stop cause of me.” Kakashi says as he perches himself onto the windowsill.

 

“What are you doing here?” Tenzou snaps back, rolling his sleeves up roughly.

 

Kakashi opens his mouth to retort but stops. Instead he asks, “Can you play me something?”

 

“No,” Tenzou says with a flip of his hand, willing he leave. “Go bother someone else.”

 

Kakashi ignores him and moves off the window to sit on a chair near Tenzou, “I don’t wanna bother anyone else.”

 

“So you bothered me instead.”

 

Kakashi shrugs, “Lucky you.”

 

“Go away.”

 

“This is an order.”

 

“Pulling the authority card? That’s pretty low.” Tenzou whistles with clear irritation.

 

“Still  _using_ it, aren't I?”

 

Tenzou knows he’s being annoying as fuck but that’s just how they are, competitive and prideful even when none of it matters, testing just to see who’ll back down first. In this case, he loses and reluctantly starts playing the song he was working on before Kakashi interrupted him.

 

Kakashi watches, head propped in his hand as his kouhai thrums the keys with a delicacy that contradicts his appearance. Kakashi peers down at his own hands turning them, he has long fingers, calloused lightly at the pads. His hands are bony and skinny, strong but deft, quick and nimble. Tenzou’s hands on the other hand are twice as rough and heavily calloused from decades of hard training. His individual fingers are well muscled from the tedious strength training required of an earth user.

 

Tenzou’s fingers are bandaged more than usual today and flit stiffly across the keys from the edges of the bandages, restricting free movement and not nearly as flexible as elastic skin when he extends a pinky to reach for a high key. Some of them are already peeling at the edges, worn and flimsy from exertion, but that doesn’t seem to bother him.

 

Kakashi presses his own calloused fingertips into his palm at his own pliant skin there that gives easily under his nails with little crescent shaped indents. Briefly, he's wondering what it'd feel like to hold hands with Tenzou again. He remembers Tenzou’s hands were rougher than his and in which places—along his thumb that curves into the pointer or the bumps on his palms where the joints of his fingers are.

 

There’s words at the tip of Kakashi’s tongue that he swallows back the second Tenzou presses down on the chords of a new song, a rich, full sound that travels through the empty room like it’s tangible, settling heavy in Kakashi’s ears and resonating solid against his bones. Closing his eyes without realizing, Kakashi feels his chest tighten.

 

This experience is triggering, all the things he worked so hard to suppress, to pretend he didn’t harbor an entire sea of sad emotions and regret were surfacing. It’s as if the ugly thoughts inside would surface and consume him entirely.

 

If he listens closely, he’s trying not to cry.

 

And now, sitting here listening to Tenzou play for him like he gets it without needing to be told, bonded by some invisible string that still connects them, even after all this lost time—their connection so powerful that by the end of the song, there are fat, salty tears gliding down Kakashi’s cheeks that he doesn't notice until Tenzou is shutting the fall board over the keys, the last chord having ended a while ago.

 

Since meeting him, Tenzou taught Kakashi that you shouldn't bury your sadness at the back of your mind and leave it to rot and fester inside forever inside, toxic. Tenzou taught him that you plant them instead, in the lines of your palms, in the creases of your smile, in the dips of your scars, and watch them bloom.

 

Sadness and regret is not something to be left in the dark or swept under a rug. It should be growing, limitless.

 

“You're crying,” is all Tenzou says. His eyes tender, his tone ever so caring. There’s an understanding in the way only Tenzou could know.

 

“I am?” Kakashi croaks, a little embarrassed and shocked at his body’s betrayal.

 

“Yeah,” Tenzou leans forward to swipe Kakashi’s cheek with the pad of his thumb and gives him a reassuring smile.

 

He takes a moment to collect himself, sniffling once and exhaling one long, shaky breath. Kakashi never allowed himself to be this open, even in his moments alone. But here in this dusty auditorium with a piano that’s missing a few keys, and _Tenzou_ , this moment is perfect.

 

“I-I didn’t know you could play the piano,” Kakashi says in an effort to distract himself from the moment of vulnerability that never really had a smooth transition back to reality without it feeling choppy and awkward.

 

“Yeah,” Tenzou flutters his fingers and stands up to gather is sheet music. “Started a few years ago. I’ve always been good with my hands.”

 

Shuffling to stand closer to Tenzou, he finds his resolve and slowly walks Tenzou to the door until they’re standing toe-to-toe, chest-to-chest, nose-to-nose. He’s maybe only a few centimeters taller now, but it’s enough to see way Tenzou’s brows sit perched on his perfect face lift in question.

 

“Are you?” Kakashi taunts, finally crossing over the threshold.

 

Tenzou puts some distance between them to turn around and open the door, his face tinged a little red but he smirks in amusement, “We both know the answer to that.”

 

 

 

 

**********

 

 

 

 

(“Hey Tenz, do you believe in true love?”

 

Tenzou stops his actions and scowls like he’s tasted something bitter. Brows furrowed, he squawks in disbelief, “What?”

 

Genma asks again in a softer tone, “Do you believe in love?”

 

He’s looking at Tenzou expectantly, because he knows that Tenzou gave up on the idea of being in love when Kakashi left him. When Tenzou’s heart broke, so did his own, and honestly, he never wants to see his favorite person go through that again. Even right now his heart is racing with anxiety, watching Tenzou tense up at the mere mention of the word. The younger still has his hands clapped together from the jutsu he was forming, his broad shoulders tense and his mouth set in a hard line as he considers the question.

 

But Genma has to ask, he has to know, because over these past weeks he senses a change. Lately, Tenzou’s conversations revolve around Kakashi and Naruto’s training. He seems less weighed down by the hurt he carried and actually acknowledges Kakashi as a human with feelings. Kakashi was real, tangible, no longer a ghost of his past that Tenzou wanted to keep buried away.

 

Tenzou doesn’t contemplate for very long. He resumes his justu and says, “I believe in attraction.”)

 

 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

“Can I ask you something?” Kakashi says, breaking the silence, his pointer finger idly tracing the patterns of the wood on the coffee table.

 

“Shoot.”

 

“What are you feeling?”

 

“Right now?” Tenzou looks up from the scroll he was reading and leans back in his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him, “Or in general? Cause there’s a lot of bitter sentiment you don't want to hear about.”

 

“No,” he elaborates and smiles from the corner of his mouth at Tenzou’s quip, “About your teammate, you nervous?”

 

“It hasn’t really kicked in,” Tenzou tells him as he stands up. He closes the scroll roughly, the one he received about Yuto from his ANBU team doing his very first solo mission and it snaps shut violently. “But when it does, I'm not gonna be able to stomach  _anything_.”

 

“That’s reasonable,” Kakashi flicks his gaze up to Tenzou, trying to read his face, “Nerves. Biggest killjoy.”

 

“How do people _not_ get nervous?” Tenzou says like he can’t believe it. He shakes his head and paces around the small area of Kakashi’s kitchen. “Yuto just turned eighteen, he’s barely an adult. I don’t know why he signed up for solo missions, he’s not ready.”

 

Now he’s rambling because he’s nervous and Kakashi feels a wave of immature jealously rise in his chest at the way Tenzou sounds so panicked and scared for this Yuto kid.

 

“Eighteen years old… imagine he gets taken down by some preteen in root with the mokuton.” Kakashi teases back in an effort to diffuse the worry creeping into Tenzou’s voice.

 

“You’re hilarious,” Tenzou spits back sarcastically, giving him a flat stare with a dramatic eyeroll. “That makes me feel so better, senpai.”

 

“That’s what I’m here for,” Kakashi says with a sarcastic shrug.

 

“Swear that’s all you’re good for, too.” Tenzou says with a sigh. He walks to the window and mutters mostly to himself, “I should go see him off.”

 

Peering over his shoulder, Kakashi watches raindrops scatter across the glass of the window, gliding at a slant in long stripes that remind him of the veins on Tenzou’s arms. The pavement outside is damp with a layer of moisture, water soaking up all the cracks and flooding the grass with puddles.

 

There’s something new to learn about people every day, and one of Tenzou’s is that he worries for the people he cares about with such an open and raw generosity, a reminder that he is always giving and asking of nothing in return. He is the stark opposite of Kakashi who hid his affections and buried them under a cover of sarcasm and his “I don’t care” persona.

 

Kakashi knew he always asked too much of others, to the point of inconveniencing them, in fact. Tenzou was definitely the number one victim of this and over time he finds himself wishing that he had something to give him in return for all he’s done.

 

Right now, he wonders if this Yuto kid is worth the trouble, worthy of Tenzou’s fussing.

 

The hairs at the back of Tenzou’s neck stand up and tickles down his spine, and he turns just in time to catch Kakashi’s gaze on him, just watching with a small frown tucked into the corner of his lips that Tenzou doesn’t spend too much time looking into.

 

“What?” Tenzou asks flatly, self-consciously running his tongue over his front teeth.

 

“Nothing,” Kakashi shakes his head, playing off the fact that he'd been caught staring and sits up from his spot on the floor. He presses his palms into the coffee table and slowly pushes himself off. He  doesn’t glance at Tenzou again when he crosses the room to sit at his dining table, a short distance but feeling so far.

 

His mind is moving a thousand miles an hour. He wants to ask why Yuto was so important, if he was worth all this extra, unnecessary effort. Was he his lover? Were they close? The jealously in his stomach churns but he knows he can’t allow himself to be so selfish over this. Kakashi thinks it’s time he starts being someone worthy of Tenzou.

 

“Hey, Senpai,” Tenzou says suddenly, movements lagging from a distracted, non-present mind. “Did you ever worry about me? Back then?”

 

“Nah,” Kakashi lies, keeping his gaze down and away from Tenzou. “You were a ninja genius, even better than me at a lot of things,” he admits easily, no pride or ego in the way. “You were pulling solo missions since you were a kid, if anything you were too prepared.”

 

“W-What about Itachi-kun?”

 

At this, Kakashi meets Tenzou’s curious look with one of confusion, but answers regardless, “I’d pray for his enemies if anything.”

 

Tenzou scoffs in response and forces a wary smile. It’s all wrong, his eyes don’t crinkle the way they always have and they’re missing their usual warmth. Tenzou is currently stuck in some inner turmoil that Kakashi has no idea how to decipher.

 

Should he reveal that he basically camped out in Tenzou’s apartment every time he left? He had to make sure Tenzou came home safe. Perhaps now was the time to confess that Kakashi slept wrapped in his blankets because he missed how he smelled, or that Kakashi would water the plants so Tenzou had something to come home to that wasn’t death.

 

He wants to tell him that he knows exactly how it feels to worry about someone you care about; what it’s like to worry about _him_. Kakashi knows he will do whatever he can to ease that look of worry off Tenzou’s face at this very moment.

 

Because he’s starting to understand what it’s like to want something for someone more than what you’ve ever wanted for yourself. After years of denial, of emotional compartmentalization, he knows what it means to love someone, to love Tenzou, unconditionally.  

 

Tenzou is frustratingly clawing fingers through his hair so rough, that he’s sure his scalp is streaked with red lines. “What if I didn’t teach him enough?” he whispers in rushed gasps of air, “And he dies because of that? Because of me?”

 

The way Tenzou’s voice fills with concern has Kakashi sitting at the edge of his seat, ready for what, he’s not sure. All he knows is his heart is suddenly racing and his adrenaline is surging each time Tenzou claws at his own head with those tremoring hands.

 

“He trusts me so much,” he says with a shaky voice and his face is now contorted in pain. Tenzou is trying to remain composed as best he can, in front of Kakashi, “-because early on when he first joined, I was on a team with him and his older brother, Yuuske.” He looks back out the window with a look of remorse before elaborating, “Sibling tag team.”

 

Kakashi nods, urging him to continue and finding himself wanting to wrap his arms around Tenzou like he did weeks ago on that practice field, as if he could keep the worry away from his kouhai as long as he was surrounding Tenzou. He wanted to squeeze the worry out of Tenzou and shield him from the dangers of the world, taking them on for himself.

 

“Yuuske…died.” Tenzou’s eyes are somewhere far away as he tells this story, his voice low. Tenzou’s uncharacteristically picking at a hangnail with shaky hands, a new nervous habit Kakashi sees he’s picked up. He’s peeling newly healed bits of skin off this fingernails and Kakashi feels like he’s seeing a part of Tenzou that isn’t supposed to be seen. As he finds his words, he’s mindlessly peeling back the rough layers of his calloused fingertips as his walls simultaneously begin crumbling before Kakashi’s eyes.

 

“Yuto, he went at the attacker screaming. He lost it.” Tenzou says with a wince. “And that kid- he’s such a hot head like Genma but without the common sense -- so he doesn’t see the second attacker behind him.” He’s holding the skin between his thumb and his index finger and digging his nail into the side, Kakashi thinks it looks painful, but Tenzou’s pained-filled eyes are still somewhere so far as he squeezes his eyes tight and continues talking. “I jump between them, taking the sword through my chest right here-“ and he gestures to the junction where his shoulder meets his chest, dangerously close to his heart.

 

Tenzou opens his eyes and laughs but it’s without any humor, and he drops his tremoring hands to his sides slowly. “I thought I was going to die honestly. I thought we were all going to die.” His voice trails off the same way water trickles down the window outside.

 

Now Kakashi is standing up, words at the tip of his tongue dying when he sees Tenzou turn to him, distress painting his handsome features, “Since then, Yuto always says I’m so amazing. But I’m _not_ senpai, I’m not.”

 

Tenzou’s frantically wiping those calloused, shaking, hands over his eyes in an effort to stop tears from escaping. He doesn’t want to break down over this, not in front of Kakashi. But he’s been unconsciously worrying his bottom lip between his teeth because it won’t stop trembling, much like his hands. “He thinks he’s ready for this because I’ve taught him things. But he’s going to die out there, oh my god he’s going to die.”

 

The way his voice lifts at the end of the sentence, the way Tenzou’s hands are shaking so much and the way Tenzou’s walls come crashing down violently are agonizingly unnerving to Kakashi to the point he can no longer bear it.

 

He’s crossing the room again, entering Tenzou’s space, pulling those rough, calloused hands that always worked too hard into his own and bringing them up to his lips. He isn't looking at Tenzou, but the way he avoids his eyes shows how much he cares for him, because right now he knows Tenzou is vulnerable, open, transparent for the first time in a long time when he doesn’t want to be. Those walls Tenzou keeps up, the ones he spent his entire life building to be impenetrable, are crumbling at this moment and Tenzou is desperately scrambling to keep it together.

 

Kakashi understands this and basks in the presence of the moment presented, because for the first time he realizes he has something to offer Tenzou in return.

 

So Kakashi gently guides Tenzou to the wall behind him. He boxes his kouhai in between the solid wall to ground him until they’re touching, forehead to forehead. They stay like that for a while as Tenzou tries to control his rapid breathing with much struggle. They come out in gasped breaths, his chest rising and falling violently, and Kakashi keeps them like that until he feels Tenzou finally begin to calm down.  

 

Still holding Tenzou’s hands in his own, Kakashi breaks the silence, his voice soft and reassuring. He’s stroking Tenzou’s hands with a gentle thumb as he pushes as much meaning he can into his words. “He’s going to be fine.” Kakashi whispers against his kouhai’s knuckles repeatedly between placing gentle kisses to them. The way he kisses Tenzou’s shaking hands is his way of saying everything he wants to convey without words. Each kiss holds an apology, a promise and a confession that’s years too long overdue.

 

Tenzou stands there, intertwined with Kakashi, his eyes squeezed tight, fighting his inner demons.

 

Kakashi catches sight of Tenzou’s wrist, the strain of his muscle as they’re wound tightly into a fist, and the swirl of delicate blue veins under the skin that remind Kakashi that as strong as Tenzou is, he has a delicate weakness in him too.

 

Kakashi had been so aloof and distant and unsociable when they had first met, so hardened by the world already. But Tenzou had been determined, and broken down the callous and apathetic walls surrounding Kakashi’s heart, rebuilding them with himself inside, pumping life back into Kakashi.

 

It’s the way Tenzou’s eyes finally lift to meet Kakashi’s that makes him carefully grab onto those wrists to bring one up and to his mouth. It’s the weakness in Tenzou’s eyes that Kakashi never gets to see that makes him realize that this is something he wants to protect with his whole entire being, so he leans forward to press a soft kiss to the fragile skin on the inside of Tenzou’s wrist.

 

He finally tugs the shorter male into his arms as he’s wanted to for years.

 

His eyes say more than words ever could and he can’t help but smile, warm and wide, eyes crinkling as he tucks Tenzou’s head into the crook of his neck. He brings the hand holding Tenzou’s own over his chest so Tenzou can feel how heart beats just a little bit faster because of him.

 

Kakashi knows he’s rough, too insensitive and maybe a little bit mean. But despite that, Tenzou has always treated him like he’s something precious to him anyway. And like this, Kakashi thinks he’s never loved anyone more in his life than this man who’s always given him more than he deserves.

 

Because underneath the tough exterior and the sky-high walls Tenzou has built for himself, his heart is far more delicate than anyone’s.

 

Over the years Tenzou filled up all the vulnerable pieces Kakashi has with parts of himself. And right now, Tenzou’s big, brown eyes are still accepting and fond in the way Kakashi remembers and loves, and he holds onto that. He will take Tenzou surrounding him in every form he has to offer.

 

This quiet moment in Kakashi’s apartment, where the rain falls in gentle patters across the window like tear streaked cheeks, he thinks feels like the start of a brand new chapter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 --

 

 

 

They went grocery shopping today. Tenzou’s not in his flak jacket, he’s only wearing his long sleeve shirt that’s rolled up to his elbows, an incredibly casual look for the off duty ANBU captain. The usual faceplate has been left at home. While he and Kakashi walk around the market it’s impossible for Kakashi not to notice how Tenzou looks so carefree, so vulnerable and so much like himself when he’s not hiding behind the formality of the flak jacket and faceplate.

 

The expressions on his face are much more prominent and Kakashi keeps sneaking glances when Tenzou’s not looking. He wants to capture this moment in his mind forever and save it to his memory. It’s so minute and domestic of them, but Kakashi wants to remember they way his arms cover themselves in goosebumps when he catches Tenzou’s eyes and the way his heart thrums to a beat so loud his eardrums might burst when Tenzou grins back at him.

 

As they make their way through the market, Tenzou’s got a bag of groceries slung over his shoulder as he kindly greets the elderly ladies at the plant stand, taking great interest in one of the flowers. Kakashi trails behind him, his eyes fond as he basks in the happiness radiating off Tenzou. He looks more relaxed and happy then he’s ever remembered. He wants to brush his hands through the short bangs hanging off Tenzou’s forehead and kiss him hard so he can steal some of that smile for himself.

 

It’s quiet today, the sun is close to setting and the cool air wafts silently through the market as they make their way home down a quiet street.

“Thanks for assigning me to Naruto,” Tenzou murmurs into the private atmosphere between them, and Kakashi hums.  He feels his stomach lurch at the beginning of the words, and he has to bite his tongue. He wants to say it, so bad. It has become nearly unbearable to act as if things were as they always are, especially in these moments where they didn’t have to be ninja, where they could relax and simply be normal people.

 

“For what it’s worth, I still admire you,” Tenzou confesses. Kakashi opens his mouth, not quite believing Tenzou’s words, and it’s obvious.

 

“I never really stopped.” Tenzou says, turning to face Kakashi.

 

“You probably say that to all your superiors.”

 

Tenzou frowns. “No,” he explains, “None of them hold quite as much meaning as you do, senpai.”

 

Kakashi is quiet for a moment as they continue to walk, emotions run rampage inside him, he kind of wants to cry, kind of wants to laugh, and he wants to say those words right now.

 

He feels the words creeping to tip of his tongue, but instead he says, “Really?” and he knows he shouldn’t have done that as soon as he sees Tenzou’s face. His kouhai holds his eyes with a long gaze, so heavy Kakashi wants to cower.

 

“Kakashi,” Tenzou murmurs lowly, heavy with implication. The drop of the usual honorific, the seriousness in his voice has Kakashi averting his gaze, mouth tasting bitter. He knows he’s treading on ice thinner than ever.

 

 

And he swallows down the words once again.

 

 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Three months isn’t a long time, but when you’ve got love just waiting to see the horizon, time is nothing but a bottomless illusion.

 

The following week Tenzou packs his things. Since Naruto has learned his rasengan and Kakashi is fully healed, Tenzou’s time as temporary captain is over, they have no more excuse to see each other. They both know they can’t hide under this cover any longer.

 

Things have been awkward all morning, that tension that he thought left weeks ago is suddenly back at full force and Kakashi is in pain from it. He doesn’t want Tenzou to go. Never again.

 

His hand has a slight tremor against the doorframe where he’s touching the cold wood, trailing behind Tenzou.

 

When Tenzou reaches the front door he doesn’t say anything, but the atmosphere is heavier than ever between them.

 

“Tenzou...” Kakashi begins, trying to salvage this. “You don’t have to go…”

 

“I have to,” Tenzou says curtly, still turned away from him. “The three-month agreement is up. My team needs me.”

 

Kakashi hesitates, unsure of what Tenzou’s reaction will be. “What if—“ his hand shakes, so he steadies it against the wall. “What if you moved in with me?”

 

Tenzou whips around, fixing him with a hard stare, partly unbelieving. “Don’t–” his voice cracks. “Don’t joke around.”

 

“I’m serious, Tenzou.”

 

Tenzou swallows, shutting his eyes for a second. With his eyes shut, like this, it looks like he’s praying. He stays like that for a few moments, carefully choosing his words before he slowly opens his eyes to look into Kakashi’s.

 

It’s those same eyes from five years ago. The ones that were filled with hurt, anger, disappointment and pain the day Kakashi left him without so much as an explanation.

 

When Tenzou speaks, he speaks quietly, in a voice that’s gravely and so deep that they almost cannot be heard, “Do you realize what you’re saying? What that would mean?”

 

Kakashi swallows drily, steeling himself but never sounding so sure of something in his life. “It means that I love you, Tenzou.”

 

And like that, Tenzou’s face falls. Kakashi barely registers the thump of Tenzou’s bag hitting the floor.

 

Not wanting to back down, because he can’t lose Tenzou again, Kakashi says with a wavering voice, “It means that I’ve always loved you, that I’ve never stopped loving you.” He pauses to swallow and continues, “Back then I was scared. I was terrified feeling too dependent on someone…on you. If something happened to you I was scared I’d never recover.”

 

He inhales, shaky, fingers unclenching and curling into a fist again. “I’ve always wanted to come find you, to apologize, but it seems so selfish of me and you don’t deserve that.” He looks down to his hands and he feels wetness rise to his eyes. “I-I love you so much-” Kakashi’s breath shakes, and he feels like he’s losing more weight around his heart with every word. “You were right back then, I’m a coward.”

 

“I’m such a coward-“ he repeats with a sob of hysteria at the end because his heart feels lighter at the open confession. He has to pause, to collect himself before he speaks again, “- I’m so broken and I never understood how you could have loved someone like me.”

 

Tenzou is staring at him, eyes wide and unbelieving…making no signs of reciprocating his words nor feelings.

 

Suddenly, Kakashi’s heart doesn’t feel so light anymore.

 

Panic starts to settle low in the copy ninja’s gut, causing him to avert his gaze.

 

“If- if you– If that’s not the way you feel anymore that’s understandable, of course–”

 

“Kakashi-“

 

“–I, I should’ve known I was overstepping boundaries–”

 

 “Kakashi-“

 

“If you hate me for what I did to you all those years ago, I understand. I’m trash–”

 

“Hatake Kakashi!”

 

Suddenly Tenzou is in front of him, grasping his face in his hands. Tenzou smoothes a thumb over his cheek and only then does Kakashi realize that they were damp. Tenzou slowly pulls his mask down, his thumb catching another tear on its descent down his cheekbone.

 

“Listen to me,” Tenzou whispers with a big smile, and his eyes look suspiciously shiny as well. Kakashi shakes his head “no,” because he feels overwhelmed by the warmth in Tenzou’s smile and he feels so unworthy of it, but Tenzou keeps speaking in that soft melodic voice that steadies the pounding of Kakashi’s heart in his chest. “I don’t hate you. I will never hate you. I love you, okay?”

 

 

Kakashi lets out a rush of air, almost sobbing. He curls a hand around one of Tenzou’s wrists, turning his face to nose at it, eyes squeezing shut. He’s speechless and overwhelmed.

 

When he opens his eyes, Tenzou is gazing at him fondly, and pulls him into a soft kiss. First, it’s just a press of lips on lips, smile on smile, but Tenzou’s familiar warm tongue runs along the seam of his lips, and slips inside when he laughs a little. Tenzou laughs too, and it’s like they’re floating. Kakashi can’t stop smiling into the kisses, can’t stop saying the words quietly, again and again as he pulls him closer into his arms.

 

Tenzou is seemingly just as giddy, reaching up to wind his arms around Kakashi’s neck, and presses another short kiss to Kakashi’s lips. And Kakashi sweeps him further into his arms and promises to never let him go.

 

 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

By the time the first storms of winter roll around, the two ninja have moved into a larger home. Kakashi doesn’t pay attention to which toothbrush he grabs nor whose side of the bed he sleeps on. The balcony is dedicated to Tenzou’s growing plant collection and more than half the bookshelf has Tenzou’s architecture books. More often than not, Kakashi comes home to find Tenzou face first on the couch sleeping, still in his ANBU gear from an intense training session.

 

If you ask Kakashi, there’s nothing better than coming home to Tenzou.

 

Being in love with Tenzou– it’s amazing, perfect, beautiful. All of the good things. Nothing but good things. It feels like a dream, to have someone love you just as deep-rooted and fiercely as you love them. To finally have this with Tenzou after years of denying himself the happiness.

 

Don’t get him wrong, not everything is perfect. He knows Tenzou has the worse end of the deal here. Living with Kakashi is like living with the human version of a tornado. He kicks his shoes off by the front door, throws his laundry haphazardly onto a chair and lets his clean laundry pile up on another chair, unfolded, until he eventually wears it all and begins the cycle again. Meanwhile, some of Tenzou’s tendencies make Kakashi want to bite the fucking bullet. He arranges their spare kunai all the same way in their box, perfectly spaced and spends an inordinate amount of time re-arranging the plants outside.

 

Sometimes Kakashi prepares Tenzou breakfast in the mornings, sticking little post-it notes with messages. He then hands it to Tenzou proudly when he makes to leave for ANBU training at the gym, pressing a little kiss on his lips.

 

In the afternoons, when Tenzou feels indulgent he’ll play the piano for Kakashi, background noise while Kakashi reads.

 

Most days when he comes home, Tenzou is passed out cold on the couch from ANBU training, where he’s got two ice packs on each thigh and an arm draped over his eyes because he’s simply too tired to move. On those days Kakashi will massage his sore muscles until Tenzou can finally move again and he’ll guide him back to their bedroom with a loving look in his eye at just how hard Tenzou pushes himself to be the best captain he can be.

 

Other days, Kakashi comes home to find Genma and Tenzou laughing over something only they find funny. He tries not to get jealous when they playfully exclude Kakashi from things on purpose and do their little secret handshake.

 

(In the end they always let him join whatever they’re doing, but never without a little teasing from a smirking Genma about how he’s “So fucking whipped for Tenz.”)

 

And his least favorite times, Kakashi comes home to an empty place, when Tenzou is away on missions so Kakashi tries his best not to worry when Tenzou comes home later than expected. He tries not to clean the whole house just the way Tenzou likes, or fidget with the plants so they sit in the way Tenzou prefers on the balcony. A small part of him makes this a ritual, as if these things will guarantee that Tenzou comes home safely as long as they are done.

 

During Tenzou’s missions Kakashi spends time away from their apartment, training with Gai until his muscles are screaming in pain. Kakashi tries everything he can to numb the thoughts racing through his mind, to block out all the negative thoughts about what could be happening to Tenzou out there.

 

It is during these days he can’t sleep in his own bed, their bed. Because the thought of not having Tenzou next to him when he wakes up, seeing his dark long eye lashes flutter open from the bright morning sun and the way he grins that small smile when Kakashi wraps an arm around him makes him break down in uncontrollable tears at the mere idea of never having Tenzou again.

 

Currently, Tenzou is four days late and Kakashi has half a mind to go find him himself. Gai and Genma come over to keep him company, they talk and eat dinner, but the fact Tenzou’s seat is empty hangs heavy in the room.

 

“He’s fine, Kakashi.” Gai reassures him, patting his friend on the shoulder as they sit at the table.

 

Genma is standing over by the window gazing out to the bustle of the streets of konoha’s night market as he gnaws away at the senbon between his lips. He’s been pacing all night, glancing at the door every so often when he hears a sound by the door. The usually talkative jounin pushed his food around silently, only speaking in clipped forced sentences throughout their dinner. Gai looks to his friends with great concern and adds, “Maybe things got complicated and he has to keep a low profile, you know how these things go.”

 

It goes without saying that Genma loves Tenzou like the little brother he never had. Since they met, the two shinobi complimented each other in the way best friends should. Where Genma was hot headed, Tenzou was calm. Where Tenzou was lacking confidence, Genma was there to build it up. In fact, Kakashi now notices the dark purple bags forming under Genma’s eyes, indicating he probably hasn’t slept much these days. The way he twiddles the senbon between his teeth when he glances over at Tenzou’s wooden figurines on the shelf are tell-tale signs that he’s feeling the same, if not more anxiety about this than Kakashi.

 

“He’s going to be okay-“ Genma’s voice trails off, he’s saying this more to himself than to Kakashi and Gai. It sounds like a mantra, they way he repeats “He’s even stronger than me…He’s fine.”

 

That’s when there’s a knock on Kakashi’s door, and the three jounin snap their heads instantly to it.

 

Gai gets the door because the feeling of dread fills the room like a noxious gas. The implication of this knock, nothing good comes from these things, Kakashi knows that behind that door is the message none of them wanted to hear.

 

Kakashi thinks his legs might give out any second, his heart thundering in his chest, the pounding of blood loud in his ears at the realization that this might be the announcement that Tenzou has died. He finds himself needing to grip the back of the couch as he tries to remain upright.

 

He can feel his body physically start to shut down at the implication of it all and he’s not sure if he can keep it together for a second longer. The ground is beginning to sway beneath his feet as his senses start shutting down. His body is violently shivering and a sob is just about to burst from his throat. Then Gai opens the door to reveal two masked ANBU and a very weary looking Tenzou sitting in a wheelchair.

 

Tenzou’s entire torso is heavily bandaged, his lip is split open and only now beginning to heal, his left eye is bruised with splotches of purple and bits of green and blue. He looks weary and exhausted, but he’s alive and trying his best to give a small smile to everyone looking at him.

 

“Tenzou!” Gai gasps, his eyes wide but his head turning to smile widely at Kakashi.

 

“Hi,” Tenzou says meekly, looking at Kakashi directly with unnecessarily apologetic eyes, “Sorry I’m late.”

 

The ANBU shinobi push their captain in his wheelchair a little closer to the door and tell the three jounin, “We were ambushed, badly, way more enemies than intel thought, but Taichou-san got us through it. Hiroki is still in the hospital. We were all down for the past few days in the ICU. Hokage-sama didn’t want to say anything until Taichou-san and Hiroki were stable.”

 

Kakashi’s heart clenches at the next words, “Taichou-san has multiple stab wounds to his back and he dislocated his left shoulder pretty badly protecting us. He’s got a few bruised ribs and some serious chakra exhaustion on top of it. Hokage-sama said he’s going to need a minimum of six weeks off.”

 

Tenzou, ever the captain, tries to stand and winces a little when the movement is too much for his body to bear. Kakashi feels his muscles reflexively tense as he instinctually moves to his lover in pain. But he’s intercepted by the two ANBU who frantically dote on their captain, grabbing him to help ease his bandaged body back into the chair gently. “Taichou, don’t push yourself!” his teammate yelps, but Tenzou waves him off like it’s no worry through a grimace.

 

Kakashi clears his throat, his eyes never leaving Tenzou. The other two ANBU snap their heads at attention because it still is _the_ infamous Hatake Kakashi standing before them. He admits, he’s being ridiculous and selfish, using his status against them like this. Tenzou’s team is just doing what any teammate would do for their captain, their friend. But he currently finds the excessive attention they are giving his lover annoying and he kind of wants Tenzou all to himself right now.

 

The mantra of “Tenzou is alive and he’s going to be okay” plays in Kakashi’s mind as the dread surrounding him the past four days floats away with a sigh of relief. Kakashi tries to find words, to step closer to his lover so he can touch him. He’s already reaching out to touch, his body no longer acting through conscious movement but rather hypnotized in a trance of everything Tenzou. Kakashi feels his body lean towards his lover as he moves to close the distance between them, but the moment is cut off brusquely with Genma barreling past him, tears welling up in his eyes as he races to Tenzou and drops to the ground on his knees in front of the wheelchair.

 

They collide a little too roughly and Tenzou winces upon impact, but he smiles through the pain of his wounds as Genma cradles him into his arms and buries his face into Tenzou’s bandaged neck like life support.

 

“You bastard!” Genma hoarsely yells into his neck, “I was so worried.” He snaps harshly, before realizing the pain Tenzou must be in and unlatching himself from his friend quickly. His eyes are blown wide when he takes in Tenzou’s appearance and holds him at arm’s length to assess the damage up close. With gentle fingers, Genma inspects the bruising on Tenzou’s eye with great concern, his fingertips barely brushing the skin. “I thought you weren’t going to make it home, bud.” He finally admits aloud as he collapses his forehead onto Tenzou’s and breathes out a long sigh of relief. “Send me some notice next time, will ya?”

 

Somewhere in the back of Kakashi’s mind he’s jealous because he deserves that first hug, doesn’t he? But he can’t be bothered to really care at the moment because Tenzou is grinning back at Genma with that little smile he loves and Genma is now back up on his feet avidly shoo-ing Tenzou’s overly doting teammates away, telling them he will take it from here. Then, he’s wheeling his favorite person into the house past a bewildered Gai as he goes to help Tenzou into the bedroom. Genma’s demeanor has returned back to his usual self as he continues to chastise Tenzou for making him wait so long and joking about how he is not giving Tenzou a sponge bath.

 

Everything is going to be fine in the end, because Tenzou is still alive and _his_ , so all Kakashi can do is think, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

 

 

 

\--

 

 

It’s never about how they got there. It’s just being there, the two of them that matters.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> I've had this floating around for almost an entire year because I never knew how to end it. Even now, I feel this is unfinished. I decided to post this anyway because that's real life, we don't always know the ending to things. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you to anyone who read this. I'm sorry for not always replying to the comments, but I spill the happiest of tears when I see your kudos and kind comments <3


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